Planning my doctorate while entering kindergarten

The title is something I said on a friend's Facebook status. He had just posted his running distance and time, so naturally I commented and we started talking about our goals. I felt silly when I shared that my goals include not only a marathon, but a triathlon. I mean, I can't even run a full mile outside yet. I have so much work ahead of me, is it even possible? But then I thought about how far I've come. When I first started running on the treadmills at the gym, I could only run for 30 seconds. I slowly increased this, step by step, until I could run for 1 full mile (at a 15 minute pace). Then I moved outside. I could only run for 1/6th of a mile before I had to stop and walk for a while. But then yesterday I was able to run for a third of a mile, and was able to run again after walking the length of a block. By running a block and walking a block, I was able to complete 1.6 miles in 27 minutes. So I'm slow, I know. But the next time I go I'll run a few more feet. And so on and so forth, until I can run a full mile. And then I will keep going, because there is always room to improve. The thing that is hard for me to articulate, is why I run. I don't have an urge to run, like some of my friends do. I am finally at the point where I get exercise endorphins, but not so much that I crave them yet. I suppose I run because if you met me, you wouldn't expect me to be a runner. Runners are tall and lean, with wiry muscles. I'm short, and all curves. A lot of my goals in life I've done because someone told me I can't, or I wouldn't be good at it. Sometimes, those things have turned into my favorite activities. It's worked well for me so far.

Taking a leap of faith

I put in my two weeks notice yesterday, and I have no job lined up. And I could not be happier with my decision. Yes I know it's a huge risk, and yes I know that on paper it was a stupid decision. But life isn't just about what looks good on paper. It's also about what makes your heart sing, or what is slowly crushing your spirit. Because sometimes even if there is nothing really wrong with a job, if it's not right for you then it will slowly kill you. And so for the sake of my own sanity, I'm jumping ship. It's time to sink or swim and unlike Dido, I am not going down with this ship. I will find somewhere new and better and perfect for me, even if I have to go through a thousand temp jobs and ramen meals to get there. I've already had people comment on how much happier I seem. I even car danced this morning. You know, when the perfect song comes on your radio and you can't help but turn it up and do a little dance. I don't remember the last time I car danced. I am however, looking for a job. I'm working with a staffing agency and they seem to be pretty busy, so hopefully I will find a place soon. In the mean time my first day of class this summer is this weekend, we're moving in a month so we have packing to do, and well there's always my writing. It would be nice to get that going again. So, my few but lovely readers. What leaps of faith are calling you? What is holding you back? What's the worst that could happen if it doesn't work out? What's the best that could happen?

Drained

Hello everyone.

How are you today? I'm feeling rather drained. I'm still in my pajamas, hair unbrushed. Although I did brush my teeth at least. I don't particularly feel like dealing with anyone. And if there is anyone around, let's not talk. I'll make you some tea, lend you a book and a blanket and we can sit in silent companionship. Have you ever had a friend you can do that with? I do, a few actually. Mostly my fellow introverts. It can be rather soothing actually, to be able to sit with another human being and not feel like you must fill the gaps and cracks in the world with words, noise, nonsense.

Today what I want is tea, silence, and the space to be introspective. I've been able to enjoy these this morning, but I fear it's coming to an end soon. Tuesdays are the day my parents' cleaning lady comes, which means I have to chose between staying home and making conversation, or going out and running the risk of Friendly Strangers. And then there is class tonight, which requires more interaction.

So for now I am enjoying my solitude. The house is quiet, all I hear is the ticking clock. There's an explosion of green in front of me - house plants on this side of the window, and two trees and lilac bushes on the other side of the window.

Do you ever feel the need to wrap yourself in silence and solitude? What do you do for your mental/emotional health?

Exercise notes and more

Twice now I have participated in a couch to 5k program with my good friend B. She has a program on her phone that tells us when to walk and when to run. I believe it takes a half an hour. There's only one day a week that we know for sure will work, so I am planning on buying the program so I can do it on my own the other two days. It's not entirely challenging yet for me, but I know it will be soon. And I'm fine with easing back into exercising. Today when I came home I decided to do some push ups and planks. I managed to do 3 full pushups, but then I had to switch to being on my knees. I did 7 more on my knees. My goal right now is to be able to do 10 full push-ups. I also did a 20 second forearm plank, and 15 second side planks on each side.

In other news, I'm still looking for a ceremony location for my wedding. I did pick up my wedding dress this past Saturday though. While I was changing back into my clothes my mom made a suggestion about cutting out starches. I was kind of taken aback by that. I think instead I will try to eat healthy, and work out regularly. I'm trying to learn to value my body for what it is, rather then punishing myself for not fitting some societal bullshit requirements.

To run, or not to run.

I'm late on my update. I completely forgot about it last Friday. I don't even remember if something was going on, or if I just forgot. I probably just forgot. With so much going on, I've been forgetting a lot of things. I'm not really sure what to say though. I feel like even though I'm incredibly busy I have nothing to write about. I'm busy with all the same stuff and I don't want to bore you guys. Work (trying to find a new job,) School (trying to find time to do my homework), Wedding planning (trying to find a ceremony location).

Mainly lately, I've been trying to be ok with the fact that I seem to have gained a little weight. I don't know if I have or not. I haven't stepped on a scale because I'm trying to change a lifetime habit of associating my worth with my weight.

I could just be bloated. It is that time. However, I would not be surprised if I had gained some weight. I crave chocolate and salty snacks pretty much all the time when I'm stressed. So, I haven't been eating healthy. I also haven't been working out. I usually do Zumba once a week, but that's about it. And I didn't go last night. I was supposed to start exercising with a friend, but I had to cancel because I was exhausted.

I get jealous whenever I see a runner. I'm not sure if it's because I usually see then when I'm at or on my way to work, or if I really wish I was running.

Dream morning, take 1.

My dream morning did not happen this morning. At least, not entirely. I set my alarm to 7:30am, as I did not go to bed until 12:30. Mainly because Fiance doesn't come home until 10:30, and it really stinks to go all day without having a real conversation, or spending any time with him. Which honestly is my biggest obstacle to my early morning dream. Let's face it, his work schedule isn't likely to change. I will have to decide if watching the sun rise is worth not having those couple of hours with him.

It was successful in that I spent some time working on homework. I'm not done by any means, but at least I've worked on it. I will have to choose between exercising, and writing though as I don't have time to do both now.

Fiance is off of work today. Perhaps I can convince him to go for a walk with me after I get off of work. I would like to get some form of movement in today, but by the time I get off of work it is dark still and I am nervous about being a lone woman walking around in the dark. I wish I didn't live in a world where I had to worry about that.

I'm thinking about waking up at 7 tomorrow even though it's my day off. If I continue waking up a half hour earlier every day then it will be easier to wake up before the sun rises. However, it would be nice to have one morning that I don't wake up to an alarm.

So, goals for the week:
1. Work on achieving dream morning
2. Continue working on Master's Degree
3. Continue planning wedding
4. Write
5. Exercise.

If I don't talk to ya'll before then, see you in a week!

In which I describe my dream mornings

In my ideal life, I wake up before the sun rises fully refreshed. I make myself a cup of coffee or tea, and sit outside and watch the sun rise and contemplate life. Then I go for a run in the cool morning air, or do yoga in my back yard. Or maybe I take care of my garden, weeding, watering, and harvesting. And then I sit down with my journal or laptop, and write. Either creatively, journaling, or both.

Sounds lovely, right? So why aren't I doing it? My mornings right now generally involve waking up just after the sun rises feeling like a zombie until after I've had caffiene. Telling myself I will exercise or write right after I finish playing online. 3 hours later, I have to rush to get ready to go to work and I haven't accomplished anything.

So! The sun is supposed to rise at 7:03am tomorrow. I will have my alarm set for 6:30, and we will do this!

I've neglected you.

My poor little blog, I've been neglecting you. I keep meaning to write, to update you all on how my goals are going(slowly or not at all) but then I get distracted by...everything else in the world.

So, deal time!

I promise to post something once a week. And you (any of you) will read this and hopefully be inspired. And maybe, comment once in a while?

I hereby commit myself to posting at least on Fridays.

Losing weight

Do you need to lose weight? No really, do you actually need to lose weight for the sake of your own health? Or are you trying to lose weight because you don't like your arms, your butt, your stomach, etc? What if you lose the 10, 15, or 20lbs you feel like you have to lose to be pretty?

What if you still don't feel pretty after you lost the weight?

What if you could feel pretty, exactly as you are now? What if more then feeling "pretty" you felt strong, capable, worthy of respect, and beautiful?

I realized recently that the only time I feel like I need to lose weight is when I'm having a bad day because of something else. And then I'm downright mean to myself. (Mentally calling myself a "fat fuck", a "slob", etc. and I have no idea where these thoughts came from.) Then, I start trying to punish myself (I start wanting to exercise not because I know I will feel great afterwards, but because I don't deserve to do anything else).

And I've decided it needs to stop. So I'm getting rid of my scale, and giving it to a good friend who needs to lose weight for health reasons, so she can keep track of her progress. I'm going to make sure I eat 5 servings of fruits and vegetables a day, and exercise most days then I don't. (Which means I really need to start doing that again, because it's been a while since I've exercised.) And when I exercise, I'm going to do whatever feels like fun at that moment.

I'm going to stop saying things like "I hate my stomach", and start saying things like "I should do more core exercises to protect my back", because that's true.

If I lose weight while exercising and eating healthy, then fine. If I don't, then fine.

I know that there are some people out there who probably think I need to lose weight. But if they're not thinking that out of a place of concern for my well being, then they can fuck off. I also know that I have a few friends who are trying to lose weight for health reasons, and I wish them fruitful rewards for all of their hard work, and offer my moral and practical support. For everyone else...think about what I said, ok?

I'm still working out!

Here's the work out I just did:
10 forward lunges
10 squat jumps
10 push ups (3 regular, 7 on knees)
10 bend and thrusts (5 jumping, 5 stepping back)
10 plie squats
10 jumping jacks
3 3-second t stabilizations
10 seated rotations
2 sunrise salutations.
Yesterday I did my first outside run. Running outside is a lot harder then running on the treadmill, even with the resistance increased to one. I seem to be able to run for about 4 minutes before I have to stop and walk. I planned yesterday on being out for a half an hour. Mainly because a running friend of mine wrote me a 5k training plan, and that's what yesterday's instructions were. So, in that half an hour I managed to walk/run 1.15 miles, and back. So...2.30miles. Of course, the way back I had to walk almost the entire way, because I didn't warm up and stretch enough so I had major leg cramps. Next time, longer warm up, more stretching.

In which I return

Well hi everyone! Fancy meeting you here....at this place I said I would be days...(weeks?) ago. Sorry to keep you waiting. I've been awfully lax on working out. I'll work out one or two days a week, take a week off, rinse and repeat. Bad, I know. You would think that wanting to do something as awesome as run a marathon would be enough to get me training, wouldn't you? Add to that that it's an instant mood booster, and you should have to try to get me from going to the gym, instead of trying to get me to go to the gym. But no, no dice. I seem to need tangible rewards, not intrinsic rewards. So I have chosen chocolate. Yes, chocolate. I crave it multiple times a day. I can force myself through sheer force of will to not have any for a couple weeks maximum, and then I binge. So, I have decided that I will not be able to have any sweets, until after I exercise. And it's been three days in a row! Go me! I'm especially proud of myself for my workout today, it's a new personal record.

I ran a mile and a half on the treadmill with the resistance set at 1 (I had read that doing so mimics running outdoors) and didn't have to slow down to walk at all! I even sped up at the end! (I'm in the habit of increasing my speed from 4 to 4.5 for the last little bit.)

So proud of myself. :)

Change of plans

I realized something the other day when I was looking at a calendar. I told you guys I'm planning my wedding, right? Well in case I haven't, I"m planning my wedding! Eeek! And we're looking at the end of September, beginning of October for our wedding date, and then going right to our honeymoon. The Chicago Marathon, is usually the 1st week of October, this year it's October 9th. This presents me with a problem. I don't want to be sore from the marathon on my wedding, and I don't want the hecticness (that's totally a word, right?) of wedding planning to interfere with my training. And, all the training guides say that I should be doing an average of 10 miles give or take a week for 1 year before I start training. I just ran my first mile a few weeks ago. I don't want to get injured because I pushed myself too quickly. So, I have decided to train for the 2013 marathon. Don't worry, I will still have this blog (for all 4 of you who follow me. :)) For one thing, I have allll those other goals on my list, and more that I keep thinking of. For example, this is probably the best year for me to compete in NaNoWriMo. And, I will still be running.

So there will be a slight shift in the focus of this blog. :)

Two new milestones

Lately I have been awful at training. I have a this thing where I take a day off, and it magically turns into a week. Who knew, right? So I have a new work out schedule, which is:

Monday: Short run, Pilates
Tuesday: Weights, Yoga
Wednesday: Medium run, Pilates
Thursday: Weights, Yoga
Friday: Long run, Pilates
Saturday: Weights, Yoga
Sunday: Hot tub/walk on treadmill/aka rest day.

My theory behind this, is that if I get myself used to going to the gym every single day even if I'm not exercising there (see: hot tub) then I won't fall out of the habit of going again. My short runs are a mile. The medium runs are a mile and a half, and the long runs will either be 3 miles, or a 5k (3.10miles) I haven't decided yet.

So, my second mile stone is that I ran a mile and a half today, and I only had to walk for one minute! So excited. It took me 22 minutes and 58 seconds. I did not enjoy myself while I was doing it for the most part, although there were a few minutes when I got into a groove and enjoyed myself. I did feel really good (and tired and sweaty) when I was done though! And then when I got home from work, I did Pilates. Monday I had forgotten to do so, although I did do a quick couple sun salutations after weights on Tuesday.

My first mile stone is that I knocked some time off of my mile! I am now at a 14 minute and 30 second mile. I think the first one I did was about 15 minutes and 30 seconds! Go me!

Tomorrow: Weights and Yoga. Trying to decide if I want to be at the gym at 7 to do weights so I can go to the yoga class at 8...Also trying to decide if I want to join my sister for Zumba tomorrow night.

GUYS!!!!

I RAN MY FIRST MILE!!!!

Ok, I'm done with the caps now. I actually ran my first mile on Friday. Normally I run at the speed of 4.5 (what does that even mean?) on the treadmill. I can usually last about 3 minutes. On Friday, I decided after my 5 minute warm up and stretch to try running at 4.0 instead. And I hit the three minute mark and felt fine, so I decided to keep on going. And then I got to five minutes, 7 minutes, etc. Eventually I kept on staring at the timer in disbelief that I was actually doing it!

And then, guys! When I got to .95 I hiked the speed up to 4.5, and finished out my mile! It took me about 15 minutes, maybe a little bit longer? I don't really remember now.



And today, I ran a mile again. Yay me! I ran about half of it at 4.1, and then at .95 I bumped it up to 4.5 again. Friday I plan on doing my "long run" and "wogging" as a friend of mine says (jog/walking) until I hit a 5k.

On Tuesday and Thursday I plan on doing Pilates for a nice stretch/cross train, and Saturday and Sunday will be my rest days.

I'm back!

I went for a run today! Yes, first time since June 12th. I finally had the time, and the health. Didn't really want to go, but that is the whole point of training for a marathon. I'm training, which means I have to do it even when I don't want to. I did a 5k. Yay me! However, I walked most of it. After my warm up, I started with my usual run 3 minutes, walk 1. But it didn't feel right, so I ended up walking most of it. I think if you add up all the minutes I ran, I might have run a mile.

My left hip flexor is really sore. I asked a runner friend of mine for advice, she recommended heat and stretching so that's what I'll do.

Actually, I'm going to get my heat pack now.

Ahh...that already feels better.

Tomorrow, I'm going to try a light weight training workout and see how that feels. I'm thinking my work out schedule will be Sunday - run, Monday - weights, Tuesday- off, Wednesday, run, Thursday, off, Friday, run, Saturday, weights. I also want to work pilates and yoga in there for the stretch, and core training. Maybe on days I run I'll do pilates, and on days I do weights I'll do yoga.

I'm looking forward to my next run. Not because I had such a good workout today, but for the opposite; I never really got into my groove, and didn't get my sense of accomplishment. I miss that sense of accomplishment, and I can't wait to feel it again.

Sick, again

I got sick. Again. My left cheek was so swoleen that I looked like a chipmunk, and it hurt to use my neck muscles at all. 800mg of Ibuprofen every three hours just BARELY dulled the pain, and the same with Tylenol 3. Heat packs though, were a godsend. Eating was out of the question (before today) which was unfortunate, because the antibiotics I'm on give me severe nausea if I don't have food in my stomach.

Which means that the last time I remember working out for sure, is June 12th. Mostly because of this blog. So, since today was the first day that I was able to eat a couple full meals, I will start tomorrow by either going for a walk or doing some yoga. Or maybe both if I'm feeling really up to it. I will then start over with training. I am thinking about using the Couch to 5k program since it has been so long since I've been able to train; and we are getting closer and closer to the fall when I wanted to be able to run a full 5k.

Wish me luck guys, and no more illness.

More road blocks

You know what else makes it hard to achieve fitness goals? Getting sick. I still haven't worked it since...I don't know when. I kind of feel like I'll be starting over whenever I can work out again.

But! I got a new toy. A laptop. My first one! I've always been a pc girl, but I needed a laptop for school. For one thing, my handwritting is atrocious and it's easier for me to type notes, then to write them. For another thing, our pc is next to the computer. Which means that if I'm writing a paper while he watches tv or plays videogames, it's hard for me to concentrate. And, sometimes I want to be able to go to my local coffee shop to study. And now I can!

Finals week is not conducive to exercise goals

These past couple weeks were a good example of when one goal interferes with another goal. It was finals week for me at school. I had a take home exam worth a quarter of my grade due this past Monday, and my take home final worth a quarter of my grade due this past Wednesday. So every spare second I had was spent working on those.

But now, after much drama with grades involving me thinking I did everything for the first project right, and finding out I did everything wrong...I'm done!

So I celebrated by going to the gym yesterday. I walked for 5 minutes to warm up, stretched and then started my work out. I jogged for three minutes, and then walked for one. I repeated that system for a little over 30 minutes and ended up completing 1.95 miles. I then walked for 5 minutes to cool down, and stretched.

Which was another hassle, because when the gym is busy there is almost no where to stretch. Normally I go into the studio where they hold classes, but there was a class when I went yesterday. Another good sport is the mat under the rock climbing wall, as long as no one is using it. Which, someone was. After that the only thing you can do is either find a corner, or stretch when you get home. So I found a corner. Despite my stretching though, my legs were killing me during the day. Any advice guys?

While I was warming up, a personal trainer offered to give me 1 free session. So I'm planning on showing him my list of goals, and seeing what he can help me with.

I'm supposed to do weights today, but I don't feel like going. Maybe I will have today be my rest day.

Test

This is my first test in achieving my goal of running a marathon. Not only am I tired and not feeling like running, but I have a final, and a project due. These are both for the same class. One is due Monday, the other Wednesday. Both are worth 25% of my grade. So, they take priority. But when I need a break - or once they are done- all I have to do is put on my shoes, and I'm out of here!

First run

I did my first run today! I decided to test myself, to see how long I can currently run. After all, how do you know if you've improved if you don't know where you started? I found out I can run for 3 consecutive minutes before I have to slow to a walk or stop and get some water.

I drink a lot of water when I work out. You see, I used to pass out randomly when I worked out. I say randomly because it wouldn't be every time I worked out, and I wasn't doing a brand new exercise. We couldn't figure out why for a while. I went to a cardiologist, got a stress test done, had to wear a heart monitor for a month. It sucked. Then my doctor decided I had vasovagal syncope and told me to drink fucktons of water (Hi, I swear. Hope that's not an issue.) So when I'm working out, whenever I start to feel a little off I gulp some water. And so far, I haven't passed out again. (So far, I've passed out 3 times, and almost passed out once).

The disadvantage of having to drink so much water, is that it makes my tummy all sloshy.